Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Learning to Change

Here’s one for autumn with some of my wordplay and construction challenges exposed.  I’ve already trimmed out words such as “the”, “a”, etc. where they proved extraneous.

A nibble of frost <in the air>
reminds me that this is
fine tomato sauce/soup weather.
Time to take stock and chop
what the garden has surrendered
each in its <place and> season.
Time to save/hoard sunshine away
on orderly, dark shelves.
Time to ponder that blanket
<tidy> over/on the footboard.
Shadows lean north
[and I <am somehow>/stand taller.]
Or [and fall long upon the pumpkins.
<Slant> glare of desert sun/summer fades/dims
as blue sky deepens,
rabbit brush bursts,
tree tips/sumacs/scrub oaks blush.

Here is the “final” version, after  word choice and reordering of the “time” clauses. 

A nibble of frost
reminds me that this is
fine tomato sauce weather.
Time to save sunshine away
on dark, orderly shelves.
Time to ponder that blanket
tidy over  the footboard.
Time to take stock and chop
what the garden has surrendered
each in its season.
Shadows lean north
and fall long upon the pumpkins.
Glare of desert summer dims
as blue sky deepens,
rabbit brush bursts,
scrub oaks blush.

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